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i need to not talk for a little while

we have a lot going on at our house at the moment. our downstairs bathroom is being renovated, which means we have 5 adults using one bathroom and one loo until it is finished. one of those adults is our builder who also happens to be a dear friend. never the less that is 5 lots of showers, 5 lots of teeth brushing, 5 arses on the toilet….oh and not to mention take a number like the deli queue when the urge does actually hit you.

i spend all day at work talking non stop to people, at people, having people talk at and around me. when i get in my car to drive home i take the opportunity to try to slowly shake off the stresses of the day and leave them before i walk in the house. into my ‘safe’ zone, where the bark of my excited puppies, squawk of my parrots and the gentle banter of my parents envelope me until hubby gets home and we share our days ups and downs.

for the last 8 days though my safe zone has felt like a war zone. there is clutter everywhere……tools, tiles, toilets and vanities sitting in hallways…..we have more power tools than Bunnings right now and most have all been operating simultaneously. the tv isn’t even sacred and i find myself sitting in the bedroom reading, yet not being able to concentrate.

this is when my fight or flight kicks in and i have to watch myself very carefully. the ‘chaos’ and change to my routine plays havoc with my OCD tendencies. the lack of ‘control’ I have over my environment sends me into a jitter, and as I slowly lose control of my surroundings I find the need to go within to hold on to something solid before a panic attack takes over……my sanity.

so i will sit quietly for a little while……in my favourite pyjamas, in my safe bed, spooning a dog and praying for sleep until we start the day all over again…..serenity now!!





Monday Shmunday

tonight I read the words on a friends blog post. she said ‘if you think it, ink it’…..so that is what I will do. no matter how random or bazaar I will write it down.

well my first thought for tonight is how much I hate the look of capital letters, so in this post there will be none 😉

today was my first day back at work after a 3 week holiday. of course last night was the usual tossing and turning and not being able to switch my brain off……the what if’s…..what if I overslept, had forgotten how to do my job, found out no-one had missed me, I had a panic attack on the way to work……etc……. well it turns out I hadn’t forgotten how to do my job, the girls all missed me, and I didn’t panic and drive off the road and hide in the boot of my car.

so I am putting today down as a success and marking it off as one for the win…..now let’s see how Tuesday goes

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A moment of clarity…or insanity?

Below is the email I sent to a friend last night. She is the reason I am starting this journey. This email is what I will begin with…..

I need to talk about something. It’s been rattling around in my head and chest for over a week now. It’s evolution…..


It hit me like a brick when we were at the zoo in Tassie. I was watching the Tassie devils eat their lunch (possum tails…YUM!) and thinking about their plight……about the fact they were creeping closer and closer to extinction. This then made me think of a lot of animals that were now extinct. It’s evolution.


Of course evolution has had a big fat helping hand from man the last few centuries. The planet and all it’s inhabitants have evolved and adapted for hundreds of millions of years. If we weren’t wiped out, we evolved into a species that was able to cope with it’s surroundings. Look at the devastation that we as humans have inflicted on the planet and her inhabitants……maybe it’s our turn……maybe cancer is evolution…..natural selection.


I know I send you random, sometimes messy shit…..I think too much…..


Thank you for allowing me on this journey with you.